Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

Will surging sea levels kill the Great Barrier Reef? Ancient coral fossils may hold the answer - The Conversation

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

Why did Amazon initially deny leave of absence to Alexis Scott-Windham, the Amazon worker who survived the New Orleans terrorist attack?

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Dollar General Sees Greater-Than-Expected Growth as Higher-Income Consumers Seek Value - PYMNTS.com

I was tired of fighting.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

The sadness was still there.

Why do people smoke?

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

What are some signs that someone may be being stalked by an organization or secret society? How can they find out for sure?

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

It’s still here.

And the sadness?

Is the Trump-Zelenskyy meeting a preview of what the US is going to do to Taiwan?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

I had run out of hope.

It’s here now, writing to you.

Have you ever had a bad gut feeling about someone and it was right?

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Be who you already are.

What was your best unexpected reunion with your childhood best friend?

You are like me, then.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

What would it take for you to consider yourself a "Swiftie" like Flavor Flav?

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”